Proven Natural Remedies For ADHD in Children

It’s taken a lot of practice but we’ve
done it, we’ve come up with some proven natural remedies for ADHD in children.
You’ll want to catch this. As I’ve had the opportunity and privilege to work
with families, kids, parents, ADHD has come up a lot and it’s something that can be
really frustrating and difficult for a family to deal with. I get asked all the
time, what are some some things we can do short of medication because we don’t
really want to go the medication route, what else can we do? I’ve got some ideas
for you today, a quick disclaimer. I know from my
clinical experience and from the research that’s been done, the treatment
of choice for ADHD, when I say ADHD, I think most of you know what I’m talking
about, it’s attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, very common
diagnosis for kids. The treatment of choice for true ADHD diagnosis is
stimulant medication which doesn’t make sense to a lot of parents because here
they’re kids bouncing off the walls and you want to give them a stimulant? Well
there’s reasons why that work that get into brain chemistry in fact, if you try
the medication and it doesn’t work or it makes things worse, that’s usually
diagnostic. Probably means we’re dealing with something other than a true ADHD
kind of a process. We’re not getting into the medications today, okay, that’s
outside of my area of expertise and licensure and as a psychologist, I’ve
been asked a lot, what can we do? Either in addition to the medication or instead
of the medication that will give us some shot at making some improvements here so
what I’m about to share with you is a 4-part process that you can use, this
is coming from a parenting standpoint, originally the ideas that I’m
sharing with you today, I heard from Foster Klein and Jim Fay and the good
folks over there the love and logic program, you’ve probably heard of them. If
you haven’t, connect with parenting, with love and logic, that’s the seminal
book that came out by Foster Klein and Jim Fay and they have since built all
kinds of resources for parents to get into. I’m basing what I’m sharing with
you today off of a model that was first introduced to me through the love and
logic people so I want to give them full credit for that and as we go into that,
here are the steps. So step one is to give them a task they can handle. Now
before we get too far into this, part of the problem with attention deficit
disorder is that there’s not a connection going on in the child’s mind
between cause and effect, there’s sometimes a disregard for the natural
effects of whatever their choices or behaviors are so we want to help to
connect those up. Here’s another thing that I’ve found that is very helpful.
Think versus fight, think versus fight. Even in a child’s brain that has ADHD,
there’s still a higher executive functioning that can override some of
the things that are causing the problem. We want to activate that part of the
brain and get them thinking. Every interaction you have with your child is
going to invite them to do one of those two things, either think or fight. What do
you want them to do? Think because if they’re thinking, they’re making better
decisions. Fight? Probably isn’t going to get us where we
want to go so keep that in mind as we talk about this, we’re inviting our kids
to enhance their ability to think, to make good decisions, regardless of what
it is in their brain or in their environment that’s trying to distract
them, we want them to make some good decisions so that’s what these 4
steps are all about, okay. It’s probably going to accomplish some other cool
things from a parenting perspective because you want your kid to be able to
do some of these things that you want them to do but that’s only second. What
we’re trying to do is train their brain to take a higher level of control so
that they can better monitor their own behavior
with or without medication, okay. So that’s what the steps are for. Now going
back to step one, give them a task they can handle. How can you tell if your
child can handle whatever it is that you’re asking them to do? Hmm, okay. Now
there’s some obvious answers to that, right? Like if they’ve done it before,
that’s a dead giveaway so I go, yeah, they can handle it, I’ve seen do it before.
Can you trust their opinion about this? Because sometimes your kids go, “I can’t,
that’s too hard.” Right? You’re going to trust that. Now motivation and ability are very
different things, what we’re talking about here is ability. When I say give
them a task they can handle so here’s a little test that you can apply, I call it
the 5k test and what it has to do with is motivation, okay, so you ask yourself,
“Hey, if I were to offer my kid $5,000 to do what I just asked them to do, would it
happen?” Now maybe your kid’s not interested in money but substitute there
whatever would motivate them, if you gave them enough of whatever their price is,
would it happen? That’s how you can tell if they can handle it or not so let’s
apply that. How about keeping the room clean? Yeah, for five grand they’re all
over it. How about getting their homework done on time and turned in appropriately?
Oh yeah, they can handle that too. How about replacing the roof on your home? Oh, not
so much, right? Even if you offer them motivation, it’s outside of their ability,
that’s what we’re talking about so give them a task they can handle. Are we good?
Alright, let’s move to step 2. This surprises some parents. Once you give
them the task you’re going to hope that they blow it. I know that’s not what you
were expecting. Normally, you
give them a task and you’re on them you’re like hey did you do that yet
you’re following up with them you’re reminding them, we call it reminding, they
call it nagging, riding me. Yeah, and it doesn’t tend to help a whole lot, okay.
Now I said blow it, I didn’t say fail because ultimately we
want them to succeed. Why? Because our job is to love them no matter what and even
if and because we love them, we want them to have a great experience in life, right?
And because we know from our own experiences that they’re going to learn the
most in life from their mistakes just like you and I have. We’re kind of hoping
that they blow it now. Check this out, the price tag on your kid’s mistakes goes up
every day.What I mean is that, it is more expensive tomorrow. You think about a
5-year-old for example and the kind of mistakes they might make and what the
consequences would be for those. Now think of a 15 year old, the kind of
mistakes that they could make. You see how the cost went up? It’s higher stakes
the longer your kid’s on the planet so we want them to blow it. Why? Cause we’re
sadistic and cruel? No, because we love them and want them to have the most richful joyful experience they can possibly have in life, that’s why and we
understand that they’re going to learn from their mistakes, we want that to
happen at the lowest cost possible so that they get to have a significant
learning opportunity at the lowest cost possible. You’re with me? Now the other
thing this does is brilliant because it changes the psychology of you as a
parent. I want you to just smile, okay, smile. It’s going to freak your kids
out. When mom’s smiling, kids are thinking. It’s a pretty good rule of thumb because
they’re like, “Oh what does she know that I don’t?” Right? Remember, think versus fight.
We want to invite them to think. For you to think back and smile because you kind
of hope that they blow it, is going to totally change the dynamic and the
psychology with which they’re approaching this issue, it’s brilliant,
okay. So we’re going to back up, we’re going to hope that they blow it. No reminding, alright? No reminding and kids, if you’re watching
the video, I want you to comment below if your parents remind you about stuff and
I’ll column out, alright. No reminding, that’s just nagging in a euphemism, alright.
No reminding, that would go against what you’re hoping for cause you kind of
want them to blow it. Now why? We don’t want them to fail, we got two more steps
left after all. So let’s go to step 3. Step 3,
you let consequences and empathy do the teaching. Quick note about each of those.
Consequences, the word itself, consequence with some kind of a pattern or
order, alright. It’s something that follows something else, it’s a natural
result of whatever just happened, that’s what a consequence is. We don’t want to
rob our kids of the consequence because that’s what creates the learning. You
think about the mistakes you’ve made. Now why are those so powerful to you in your
personal learning, it’s because it costs you something,
it hurt where it was expensive and somehow cost you, right? What if we take
away the cost? Well then you don’t get the learning either. Do not rob your
children of their significant learning opportunities by taking away the
consequences. Sometimes we want to go back to the three R’s of parenting, rant,
rave and rescue. Rant, rave and rescue, that’s where we ball
’em out and then bail them out and it’s not working because it sends the
wrong message. What that tells your kid is, oh you probably aren’t smart enough
to learn from your experiences, I’m going to have to bail you out but I’m going to chew
you out in the process so that you know I’m unhappy. Really? Is that what you want
them to learn? No, step 3, let consequences and empathy do the
teaching. Consequences is kind of understandable, let’s go to empathy.
Empathy is where you understand and care how someone else feels. You understand
and care, you got to have both elements so instead of bawling amount and bailing
them out or saying something like, well if you would just listen to me, this
would never happen and next time you better.. Forget about next time. We’re
doing it this time, okay. The consequence happens this time and then instead of
anger, we go to where we really feel. We don’t want our kids to have these
consequences, do we? No, we’re benevolent loving generous parents so we really
want them to not have consequences and usually we take away the consequence to
help our own feelings about this and then we bawl them out to make sure they
know they’re in trouble. Let them have the consequence and then feel up with them,
feel it with them. I had a mom I was working with, her daughter wanted to go
to the prom, her daughter needed a dress for the prom. The agreement was, and I’ll
just take you through the first three steps here, mom gave her a task she said
she could handle, okay. She was having some problems in school, she was skipping
out and smoking something out behind the shop. Mom said, I want you to be in every
class on time with your homework, assignments turned in for a full week. If
you can do that, I will take you out and buy you a prom dress. Okay, she already
had a date. What do you think happened? Now first of all, do you believe that
that is a task that this teenage girl could handle? Step 1, oh yeah, check, done.
She can handle this. Step 2, back off, okay. Hope that she blows it. Why? Well
this is going to be hard if she does, right? So it’s kind of hard to hope that but
remember, the price tag on her mistakes goes up every day and she’s already
experimenting with some pretty costly stuff so now is good.
Later is more expensive, earlier is not an option. So we’re going to do it now. Mom did
it beautifully, she backed off, she didn’t remind her, she wasn’t checking in every
day, she was simply tracking and monitoring to see what her daughter
chose to do. Guess what. She didn’t attend every class that week. Awesome! That’s
step 2. Okay, that’s a little counterintuitive because you’re like, oh
I wish she wouldn’t.. No, we want her to blow it. Why? Because she gets to have a
little significant learning opportunity at the lowest cost possible, this is good
news but then step 3 is hard cause mom wanted to bail her out and go buy that
dress. I was so proud of her the way that she handled this, she put her arms around
that daughter as daughter was crying, “Mom, what am I going to do? I already have a date,
I don’t have anything to wear.” “I know, honey. I know, sweetie.”
She put her arm around her and she said, “I know but you’re just so smart. I know
you’re going to figure this out.” Consequences and empathy. Let’s go to
step 4. Give the same task again. This is so affirming because the message
you’re sending now is you know what, you are brilliant, you are bright, you are
smart enough to learn from all of your experiences. Here, let’s try it again. See
how it goes? Think versus fight. What we’re doing with
this process is inviting the brain to handle things differently and whether
they have a formal diagnosis of ADHD or not, what we’re inviting them to do is
use the powerful amazing resources that are available to them in their own mind
to focus and concentrate, hook up cause and effect so that their choices can be
better moving forward as well. This is a powerful natural remedy for something
that a lot of people are struggling with. Well there you have it, 4 simple steps
that are really powerful. This is part of your parenting library. I’m glad you

19 thoughts on “Proven Natural Remedies For ADHD in Children

  • From across the Atlantic I really want to thank you so so much, yes I guess I love my son too much and I did everything wrong till now….Maria. 👏💞

  • Your videos are a real eye-opener. Allow me to introduce myself…..I am Charlie Brown's Mother! Womp Womp! I am constantly saying, hey buddy, don't forget you have to brush your teeth before bed, N, did you do your teeth yet…over and over. Peeve of mine is having to repeat myself. But, if I don't remind him Dr. Paul, how many nights does he go without 'brushing his teeth or get dressed for school or……….) Thanks for taking the time. NY Mom to a darling boy whom I am Blessed to have adopted from Russia!! <3

  • Great video Dr. Paul! Tough love & teaching for parents too in letting the consequences teach instead of us diving in to save them the umpteen time…thank you, this is so appreciated on our Child's journey. ❤👍🏽🏆

  • I think this one helped me to understand the classic theological question about why Adam and Eve suffered the consequences for disobedience while in the Garden of Eden. Going along on that train of thought would be too much for a video comment, so I will just leave it there, but wish I could have that conversation.

  • So just to clarify does this mean you are giving them a second chance to the complete the first task! Like your example about the dress. The daughter could try again to go to class etc and then if she completes the task the mom would buy the dress? Thanks!

  • Thank you for your videos; I've been watching since taking in my 14yr. old nephew a year ago (Jan 2018 – he's now 15). I have never been married or have children, so it's been a struggle, and have done your steps. But…when we get to the "dealing with the consequences-of-his-actions" and he has a melt down – throws things, storms off, and then bangs/punches things in his room, because he doesn't see that it's because of his actions. He has said that I made the rule and he has no control over it, and now he's just getting punished. How do I embrace and have empathy for him when he's so angry because he's such a victim of unfair rules?

  • I am from Asia. Dr.Paul I do hope that somebody come to my country to do more seminars and spread positivity about helping people on how to handle people with anti social dissability. occupational therapy in school is not enough. how many years do we need to invest just to make this people live life on how they wanted to be someday? is this dissability going to forever misery?

  • Absolutely brilliant advice. One of the biggest struggles we adders have even as adults is the way other people try and correct us, often exacerbating the symptoms. If only our parents practise this. Thanks again 🙂

  • Can anyone tell me how to apply this with a child? Not a teen that gets natural consequences but a young kid that doesnt clean their room and doesnt care that its a mess? Or that cant remember to close the dishwasher? This cant possibly work in every circumstance…when my ADD kid forgets he just beats himself up and still forgets the next time.

  • Thank you Dr. Paul for a really brilliant advise. I am lifted with this video and will apply immediately. Thank you so much.

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